Life Doesn’t Always Go As ExpectedSometimes we have to face our worst fears, and it really hurts. Yet, there is an expansion of wisdom, strength and love in all unexpected traumas or dramas when we have support to honor the path we have been given and choose to transform despite it all. I had my dog, Lolly Pop, for 16 years. I spent more time with this cute, sassy, loving fur ball than most people. She came to work with me to see clients almost every day for 15 years. She brought so much love and support to the therapy room every day. One time I had a couple who was fighting. They saw she was reacting to the intensity of the fighting and realized how they must be hurting each other if the dog was reacting this way. It was a breakthrough moment for them. Another time, I was guiding a client in The Inner Counselor Process™, and she jumped up on her lap right as she was sensing her dog who had passed away. It was a super healing moment for my client. As you can see, she was a gem. Lolly Pop began to decline in health after having several strokes which with our love and support, she recovered fully from. Unfortunately, we reached a point where she was in pain and her kidneys were shutting down and we knew it was nearing the end. I was heartbroken. My Ride or DieI was raised to honor life in all forms and felt bad even if I squished a bug as a child. I love life and had spent my whole 16 years beings Lolly Pop’s “Ride or Die” and she was mine. My greatest fear was that I would have to “put her down” instead of her dying naturally and I was staring this fear right in the face. After having a family meeting, we knew in our hearts it was time. Kidney failure can be painful, and she was already in pain with numerous other old dog things. Even if choices are made with love and fear, loss is still loss. If she died naturally, that is one kind of grief. I just didn’t expect to feel traumatized by the unexpected way it went down. Besides missing her terribly, part of me felt like I had killed her. Trauma-informed Emotional PainI had seen women go through this having an abortion and my parents go through this when they chose to take my grandfather off of life support with evidence, he would have no quality of life or vets navigating harming or killing others in the protection of freedom. This dilemma was not uncommon yet part of me was in a terrible panic that kept surging within me. How could I “kill” my dog. My logical mind was nowhere to be found when this arose. I mean, I knew she was old, and I knew she was in pain. I even knew on some level it was the “best thing” but my emotional self and nervous system were not catching up! I turned on a battery powered candle honoring Lolly Pop’s spirit that evening. I placed it on my altar alongside my dad’s ashes who had been gone 10 years and my aunt Loretta’s pictures who was like a mom to me and passed suddenly a few years prior with a heart attack. My altar was in the corner of my bedroom and held a special place where all those deep, sacred and spiritual offerings could go to be honored. That night, I could not sleep at all. My head spun and spun. What if… Could we have… How did we… Is she Ok… What have we done? Around 3 am, my husband and I were talking and crying and I said, “Lolly Pop and Aunt Loretta are together now.” As if out of the blue, the candle on the altar went off completely and came back on 10 times brighter! It lit up the room! Wow! What the heck? How would a battery powered candle do this? Loretta and Lolly Pop were letting us know they were Ok and together! We just knew it. This “sign” catapulted me into a deeper journey over the weeks to follow. And I finally got to sleep. Your Relationship to What Is, Not WasI always tell clients, “It’s your relationship to what is, not was is that is the problem and the solution.” As the days went on, I knew I needed to work on my relationship to this grief. Even thought we had the confirmation they were Ok and together, I was still struggling. Being sad was one thing, but this shock, trauma and mindset of thinking I killed her was not feeling good at all. I turned to my spiritual psychology tools. I knew my physical and emotional self was missing her so I began allowing myself to do self-soothing things for my nervous system. Still working with my spiritual understandings of death, I kept pondering: “Is she still with me now? Where is she? Can I connect with her again?” I ordered a book about talking with loved ones on the other side to help with this. As my body began to settle down and sleep again with great support from friends and family reaching out to comfort us (this matters so much during these times), I was feeling some better. Getting in warm water and seeing my therapist especially helped during this time also. I needed comfort-physically, mentally and spiritually. Healing Mind, Body, and SpiritI started talking to Lolly’s Spirit again. I just knew her love had not left. I apologized to her for what I felt like was “giving up on her” (even though EVERYONE told me I was the best dog mom around and it was time) and I sensed a “thank you” from her for what we did. It brought me to tears. I knew she was relieved to not be suffering. As I consistently noticed my doubting mind that felt like I was going crazy talking to my dog’s Spirit, I recalled what I was trained to do with clients using a process called The Inner Counselor Process™. During this process, we call in “supporters” to help with whatever issue the client is struggling with. And we do this in every session. And guess what, a most common supporter that shows up are pets that have passed on! The Inner Counselor Process™ SupportersTheir love and support is still with us. Love never dies. I knew Lolly was there whether I could feel her throughout the moments of the day or not. I began appreciating the deep wisdom of The Inner Counselor Process™ on another level and how it truly does work to connect us to support that is “beyond the mind” and from the heart. This effective, multidimensional approach doesn’t just work with complicated grief and loss, it works with all kinds of generational patterns, stress and genuinely helps us evolve to see the world from more “spiritual eyes”. Seeing the world through “spiritual eyes” has been proven to be extremely beneficial for brain health and mental health. The brain of those with an active spiritual life on MRI studies is stronger and more adaptable in the awake areas of the brain as compared to those with major depression which shows a frailty or thinness in the brain in those same areas. Seeing the world from spiritual eyes and in a more expansive way, reduces despair, changes your relationship with suffering and reduces anxiety and depression. It also enhances your spiritual connection to your wiser and higher Self and this is so empowering. It literally builds inner strength in the brain, mind and body. Building & Healing Inner StrengthThe Inner Counselor Process™ does this in every session. It also opens up an opportunity to reconnect with loved ones again and feel their support while addressing your own suffering and transforming it. Needless to say, I am so grateful for The Inner Counselor Process™ and all the tools we have when navigating the unexpected in this life. None of us get out of life without some surprises that jolt us into deep suffering and hopefully great transformation. I began to change my relationship to death and to the belief that “I killed her” to one of understanding that our decision came with a lot of care and courage. I began to see that love is the greatest transformer and trust my heart and knowing again. I changed my relationship to the grief and updated my system to a higher understanding. I found my “spiritual eyes” through the tears and could feel more compassion, trust, love and understanding for myself and all of humanity. Healing is an Integration ProcessI found peace, freedom and greater love again despite the suffering and so can you. If you have something unresolved or complicated, do not fear. You can change your relationship to it. You do not have to keep suffering. Healing is an integration process and worth every step of the journey. Do I still miss Lolly Pop, my aunt and my dad? Of course! But I feel them right here with me now as I am writing this. Uncertainty has turned into the “spiritual eyes of knowing and experiencing” instead of doubt and fear and it’s a beautiful thing. Wishing you the peace, understanding and love that comes with transformation as well. You are built for this and so are your clients. With love and support, The Inner Counselor™ Process stands apart from other trauma-informed coaching programs.Created by award-winning therapist Dr. Shannon South, this trauma-informed, neuroscience-based method gives you a step-by-step framework help clients safely access and heal their core emotional pain. If you’ve felt the limits of traditional approaches — or want to deepen your ability to work with trauma — this program gives you a clear, effective, heart-centered path forward. Apply by August 17th to begin your trauma-informed coach certification journey
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)Is this course fully online? Do I need to be a licensed therapist? Are CEUs approved for my state/license? Does the training fee cover the certification? What support is included?You’ll receive weekly support through small groups, Zoom calls, and direct access to Dr. Shannon and her team. You’ll also join a private practitioner community for ongoing support. Ready to Become a Certified Trauma-Informed Coach?Your clients are ready for deeper healing. And now, you can guide them with the confidence, clarity, and tools to help them transform. Apply now to join the next Certified-Inner Counselor Practitioner™ Cohort. |
